I believe if I say something out loud, it lessens my fear of a thing, so please bear with me.

Tomorrow I will go to see my cardiologist and get the results of my heart monitor study (three weeks of a merry little slice of hell).

So, being a person over-blessed with an active imagination, I am running amuck with the collywobbles! But, I realize this is a magnificent stopping point for fear and a pity-party. I have a loved one that is simply trying to make it home today to be on hospice care, surrounded by family instead of being in the hospital. I have two other beloved family members that are facing cancer with grace, dignity and faith in the future.

And I am ashamed…ashamed, I say, of letting something that has not happened and may not happen, scare me to the point I am bundle of nerves. I was not raised in any such manner. My mama faced one of the fastest growing types known of breast cancer with the same attitude she faced everything, “Cancer, you have the nerve, the unmitigated gall to think you are going to dictate my life?!?! I DON”T think so!!” She faced that and by gum, she won. My daddy’s only concern during the massive heart attack that killed him, was worrying about his daughters being upset at seeing him like that, his last conscious act on this earth was to raise his hand as if to say, ” It will be all right, y’all don’t worry.”

But I have acted like such a coward and they would be disappointed in me. Well, no more. I believe firmly in the power of prayer. If something cannot be overcome, it can be faced and not allowed to descend like a black cloud of fear over one’s life. I went out today, bought the rest of my fixins’ for Thanksgiving, I have already started my Christmas shopping, and I have one of the best ideas ever for my Christmas decor outside! Oh, yeah, tomorrow morning is just another stop on my to do list for the holidays!!!

 

Marsha Phillips

Lockhart